My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize