Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
