i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
