Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
one might say we're banned from that church
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
