Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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