I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
