You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
