i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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