and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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