I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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