its not stalking. its research.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
