man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
