so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
