I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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