We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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