we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
