So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
