Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
