Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize