Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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