My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
4 words: hood of his car
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
