the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
