All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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