end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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