the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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