thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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