You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
