I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
