and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
