Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
