Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
