dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
