Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
