I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
