So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
