i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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