How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Someone shattered a urinal.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
