Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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