Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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