he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
