google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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