i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
