This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
