Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
