I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
