i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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