Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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