I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
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