How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm at about main and main street
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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