Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
