Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
