Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
