In the future we'll all be gay
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
