Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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