I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
