What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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