she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
