I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I love having hate sex.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
