I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
