Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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