Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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