i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
