allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
