best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
