That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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