so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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