what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
