her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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