I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
