Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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