Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
