Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
as a side note pls kill me
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
