the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
