The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i need some magic done to my vagina
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize