We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
