Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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