I got chris browned last night
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
