Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
