I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
