he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
