You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
