I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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