I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
