i will never coherently bang her
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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