Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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