I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Randomize
