I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
