Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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